I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
