Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
