Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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