I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
