I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
