Did you just see the Batmobile???
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
