It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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