I need help removing her.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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