I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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