The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
