I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
