Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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