Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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