I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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