Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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