I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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