Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
