My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
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