i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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