ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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