so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
