The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
