Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
