I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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