What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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