You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
