i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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