so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
