no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
