Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize