Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I enjoy the company of your penis
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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