I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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