3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
