What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
