I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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