you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
