Only a mothe r could love this liver
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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