This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
