My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
