I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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