I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
