The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
