are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
