found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
