when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
