I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
