Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
