I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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