Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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