how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
