Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
