i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
