can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
