Dual....:-)
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
