The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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