So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
