I like my sex mixed with concussions.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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