the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize