wakey wakey hands off snakey
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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