I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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