And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
