I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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