i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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