Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
