My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
