and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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