my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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