Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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