DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
