I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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