Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
