Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
