my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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