My sheets look like a crime scene.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
