There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
